thatweirdcanadian:

myocardiac:

i couldnt find my headphones and its late at night
solution: get a stethoscope and put it up to the speaker with the computer on low volume

if i cant find my headphones what makes you think im going to find a stethoscope just lying around

thatweirdcanadian:

myocardiac:

i couldnt find my headphones and its late at night

solution: get a stethoscope and put it up to the speaker with the computer on low volume

if i cant find my headphones what makes you think im going to find a stethoscope just lying around

(Source: glowwire)

me as a pedestrian: [catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM

me driving: say your prayers

the-study-of-wumbo:

stereolights:

It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just forever alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips

maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife

the-study-of-wumbo:

stereolights:

It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just forever alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips

maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife